1. Jumping to Conclusions:
Whelp, looks like you are 0 for 1. You’ve already done it… Just by
reading the headline of this post your mind raced ahead and thought
“this ought to be good.” There is no worse enemy to the typical woman
than her own mind.
2. Talking on the Phone:
Thanks to the power of texting, it is quite acceptable by today’s
standards to have a complete relationship without ever talking on the
phone. Granted, that doesn’t lend itself to a healthy relationship… it
will, however, make men happy. The only way talking on the phone is
acceptable is if the conversation is held to under 4 minutes and 30
seconds. There is no reason why any conversation should take longer than
that.
3. Talking in General:
If you want to talk about your day, we will begrudgingly listen and nod
our heads as you go on and on and on about every little detail. When
you turn the tables, don’t expect us to by quite as open. When men are
asked the question “How was your day?” there are only three answers we
can supply. A) Good. B) Fine. C) It sucked. All three of those answers
do not require, nor will it ever, be accompanied by an explanation. We
worked really hard to get through our day; we don’t want to relive it by
explaining the whole damn thing to you.
4. Facebook Stalking: Yes,
I have friends that are girls. No, I don’t think any of them are
prettier than you. You women have mastered the art of being Facebook
creeptastic. With a few clicks of the button you are sizing up random
girl because some skank from high school posted “Happy Birthday!” with a
winky face. Slow your roll, bunny boiler.
5. Stupid Baggy Dress: Ok,
I don’t know what they are called, and neither does Google, so Stupid
Baggy Dress is as good as I can come up with. Let me explain… these are
those short dresses that are baggy on top and around the stomach area
then get tight around the thigh. I don’t care if you feel bloated while
you’re on your period, there is no excuse for this. It looks like a mumu
for hookers.
6. Make-Up: Contrary
to what all women believe, men can’t stand make up. Natural is sexy.
Unless you are naturally ugly… then by all means, pile it on. It’s nice
to get dolled up from time to time, but if in the morning my pillow
looks like a Picasso painting maybe it’s time to re-asses your
application techniques.
7. Masters of the Obvious: For
some reasons girls LOVE to point out the obvious. Just because
something pops up into you head doesn’t mean you should vocalize it with
the group. Think before you speak, if it sounds interesting to you it
probably isn’t.
8. Mentally Fat Girls: The
only thing men hate more then fat girls are skinny girls who think they
are fat. When we compliment you, accept it… say thank you and move on.
Please don’t question our compliment or match it with a “ugh, are you
kidding? I feel like a cow.” The most attractive thing to a man is
confidence… get some.
9. Lady Gaga: Because the only guy that can wear glitter make-up and get away with it is Elton John.
10. Nagging: Contrary
to popular belief, we heard you the first time. If you ask us to take
out the trash, chances are we will… just on our own time. When you ask
us to do something, you mean now, and we don’t like that. What you see
as a lack of urgency, we see as patience and an innate ability to asses
the situation without rushing… stop jumping to conclusions.
Because
I like to keep this an even playing field, I would love to hear what
the women hate about men… feel free to post these earth shattering
comments below.
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